So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
