dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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