I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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