I looked at my own cervix.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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