when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
