If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
