I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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