So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
