Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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