I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
