The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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