Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
How's work?
Spinning.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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