Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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