well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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