Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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