I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
