last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
