Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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