some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
