i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
