Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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