You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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