Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
