Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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