We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
