chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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