you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
