This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
