As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
