I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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