Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.