Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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