that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later