just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
