he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
