My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
