Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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