I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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