yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
