Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Randomize
