Apparently you make a good broom.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
