My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
