Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
