and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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