weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's shark week go big or go home
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
