after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
