Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
