do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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