I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
