The maid of honor just puked.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
