Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
