my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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