So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
