I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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