i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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