Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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