I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
