So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
