You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
