He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
