The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
