I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
