He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
