apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
