What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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